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Post by Dewey on Nov 2, 2008 14:55:28 GMT -5
Dec. 26, 06
Oh. My. God. Last night was just about the sexiest night of my life! Hahah. I can't believe I was worried about making it as good (or better, really) for Luca. It was.. amazing. Oh man. I hope we didn't bother or wake up anybody on the third floor!! Hahah. Wow. I can't stop thinking about it. I don't want to stop thinking about it. Everything about it was perfect and steaming and.. d@mn! Haha. I'm so glad we agreed to spend the whole day today in bed. Hopefully, one thing will lead to another many times today *grins*
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Post by Dewey on Nov 2, 2008 14:55:30 GMT -5
Jan. 3, 07
New York with Luca was an awesome time until last night, because last night I found out my mother only has six months left to live. Luca told me. Papi must've shared it with him when they were alone in the room together. I don't.. everything's in slow motion right now, and I feel numb to everything. I thought things were going well. I thought she was recovering. Now it's a different story. I.. I don't even know how I feel right now. I feel angry, but too weak to even express that anger, and I feel sad but I'm too empty inside to even make a tear. All I want to do is lay in bed and do nothing. Sleep, like it's a dream I can wake up from. Last night, when I figured Luca was asleep, I went into the bathroom and just sat on the toilet lid and sobbed quietly.. I guess that's where all my crying went. Now I just feel.. numb.
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Post by Dewey on Nov 2, 2008 14:56:06 GMT -5
Jan. 9. 07
I told Luca about my thoughts lately, mainly wanting to move to New York for a few months to be closer to Mami, and to family and friends we have there. It was a really hard choice. I'd be taking the semester off from Valencia, being away from Luca and Ava, being away from Sigma Theta Rho.. but, I really don't think I could just be here in France while Mami is over in New York. They're thinking about just letting her go home since there's nothing more they can do, and I want to be there to take care of her. Even if it's little stuff like cleaning up or cooking for Papi.. *sighs* I don't know. I feel so.. empty right now. I don't want to do anything, you know? I just want to cry and cry, but I know that's not going to help. I know Mami needs me to be strong right now, so I'm going to New York, whether they like it or not, and I'm going to help out.
Luca was a little sad, I think, and it broke my heart. I wish I didn't have to leave him. Being with him makes me feel so comforted sometimes. He doesn't know it, but on a lot of days I'm able to be strong just because he's with me. Of course he won't be able to come with me this time. That's all right, though. I called Tobias this morning. It's weird talking to him again like nothing's happened the past few months. I think he's worried, though. It's nice knowing he cares. He's been in this position before, I guess, when they thought Mr. Rossi was gone. So it was nice talking to him. And guess what? He said that if I really wanted, he'd come with me to New York since it'd be crazy of me to live in an apartment alone in the city (I didn't want to stay with my parents; that might be too overwhelming. I wouldn't be able to bear it)
So a few months in Brooklyn with Tobias Rossi. I told him to talk to Luca about it. I'm not really sure how I feel about Tobias yet. He can't just come to me when I need him and expect me to forget everything. I appreciate him wanting to help; I just don't know if I can trust him just yet. If I decide I can, though, it would be nice to have a friend with me.
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Post by Dewey on Nov 2, 2008 14:56:36 GMT -5
Jan. 18, 07
Luca is so sweet.. he got me three going away presents. The first was a locket with a unicorn imprinted on the cover.. straight up "awww" material! I've never been able to find a unicorn locket. It was the sweetest thing. I'm wearing it now. It's so pretty. And it has a picture of us inside. The second was a framed picture of me and him being stupid haha.. and the last was a snow globe of Auvernha, aww... He's making it hard for me to leave! I don't want to leave him behind.. for so many months! I've heard of people who get tired of long distance relationships and just.. drop it and move on. And I really am praying here that Luca sticks with it, because I love him to death and he's just.. amazing. I don't think I can find another guy like him. He's my best friend, you know? But.. the day to leave is coming. Tomorrow evening. I have mixed feelings about it. Luca said he'll call and write every day, or at least call every day, but... I'm just sick to my stomach worrying about everything. I'm going to make myself throw up at this point. Everything was going so well.. Luca, Sigma Theta Rho, work.. and then one day it just all snowballed into hell. I guess it's just one of those.. months. *sighs*
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Post by Dewey on Nov 2, 2008 14:56:55 GMT -5
Feb. 5, 07
Well I'm living in New York now with Tobias in an apartment in Downtown Brooklyn. Things were going well. Tobias really hasn't made a pass at me at all. Surprising. I know. He's hardly around, really. Just at night. But then bad news just rained down on me. Straight up rained down on me. I wasn't feeling well. I thought it was the stress. Tobias took me to the doctors after I started throwing up. And...at first I thought it was just a stomach flu or something, you know? Something real simple. Well when the doctor's asked me if I was sexually active, I said yes of course, and they said they'd have to do a pregnancy test. I didn't think much of it. I knew I wasn't pregnant. I mean, that would be the worst thing to happen to me at this point. So as I waited in my room afterward for the nurse to come back in, I just prayed and prayed and prayed that this was just a nightmare or something. But it wasn't.
The nurse came back in all right. She told me the news. I'm expecting. And I'm absolutely horrified. How am I supposed to tell Papi all this? He would.. he'd.. I don't know. I can already see the disappointment in his face. And when Mami's sick , too. We can't have a baby anytime soon! I can't even handle that responsibility right now! I'm too stressed and overwhelemd. I don't even know why it happened. We were safe about it. I mean, on top of that I was even on the pill! I just don't get why this is happening to me. Or how! And all I can do is cry about it because I know I only have a few weeks until I have to fess up to Papi.
I thought Luca would be upset. He came all the way from Auvernha to New York because I asked him to, and when I told him the news, he was.. surprised. But he wasn't mad at me. He probably shoudl be. I wouldn't blame him if he was. I feel like I'm ruining his life He said he would stay for me and help take care of the baby, but what twenty year old guy wants to think of things like that, you know? I'm so scared right now.. I feel like I'm in the darkest valley of my life..
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Post by Dewey on Nov 2, 2008 14:57:35 GMT -5
Feb. 12, 07
I'M NOT PREGNANT!!!!
I don't know what happened.. maybe they had made a mistake or there was a switch or whatever, and I'm not about to question it, either! OMG, I am SO SO SO SO RELIEVED right now! When the doctor said it at first, I was sure there was a mistake. But I got tested again, and he was right! I'm not pregnant! Not at all!! I was SO HAPPY! I could've given Luca a million kisses! That seriously was the scariest time of my life, thinking of raising a child at 19/20...Luca having to go to work...talk about growing up WAY too fast! And worst off, having to tell my parents! They don't even know I sleep with Luca, let alone came close to having a BABY with him. I probably would tell mami, except that obviously with all these hospital transfers I felt maybe there was another time for it. Speaking of mami, she's doing better these days. The chemo's starting to pay off, I think. I mean, she even walks around and has energy all of a sudden! It's so nice to see her like this. Things are just going so well!
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Post by Dewey on Nov 2, 2008 14:57:57 GMT -5
Mar. 7, 07
MAMI'S CANCER WENT INTO REMISSION!!!!
I feel like I'm in a dream or something, but it's so so real!! The doctors were so surprised by it! They had given her only 6 months to live! But now the cancer has totally stopped and growing and is going away!! And maybe soon enough it'll be gone altogether!!! I was so so so so so happy, like everyone else! I didnt' want to lose her; I didn't know what I'd do with myself if it happened! I was so scared and sad, but I kept praying and praying, and I know we had a lot of family and friends praying for us as well, and God finally answered our prayers!
I told Luca and he was so happy, too! God, he's so.. amazing. He left Auvernha, where his family and friends are, and he even withdrew from Arcadia, just to be with me Because he didn't want me to have to deal with it alone. I love him so much!
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Post by Dewey on Nov 2, 2008 14:58:18 GMT -5
Apr. 22, 07
Yesterday was Luca's birthday! And since we went out for my birthday, I definitely wanted to hit up downtown with him! I even got VIP passes to that new club Eden! I won them on a radio show haha. I called while I was at work, and was the 10th caller! Holla! So it was perfect, because it gave me somewhere to take him The club was nice, too! The VIP lounge was on the second floor, and has these velvet couches and its own bar, and a private smaller dancefloor.. It was pretty chill.
However, I was too excited about my real birthday present to Luca lol so we hurried back to my apartment! I got him these leopard print handcuffs hahaha, but that's not even the end of it. I bought this sexay police outfit from a costume store, and put it on... It was so funny! Hahah. But it was one hot night, too
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, LUCA!!!
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Post by Dewey on Nov 2, 2008 14:58:40 GMT -5
June 4, 07
Who the hell does Tobias think he is! He's not a high schooler anymore, and though he's a bachelor, he's got a kid! A kid who's less than six months old. I was doing him a favor when I agreed to babysit for the weekend, but I didn't do it so Tobias could go out and have a good time until 1:30 in the morning! That's just ridicolous. He needs to start being more responsible than that. So he got an apartment, so he decided to step up to the plate and be a father. Good! But now that it's him and Tobi, he can't just be going out like this as if he's living for himself. I thought I was going to go crazy with all that crying! I was near tears myself! All that stress!! And I was so upset with Luca because I don't know why he didn't just tell Tobias "hey let's call it quits now" at like 11 or 12. He just was right there having a good time with him, too, probably. Forgetting that I was back at the place, looking after our godson. If Tobias was going to be out that late, he could've had enough respect to at least tell me. Then I would've taken Tobi to the apartment. At least then I'd have Ava, and maybe even Joey would've been around and we all could've helped out babysitting. But no. I was all by myself and I don't have a car so I couldn't get to the pharmacy to buy the lotion for Tobi's diaper rash. I'm just.. ugh. Tobias just acts to juvenile sometimes.
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Post by Dewey on Nov 2, 2008 14:59:11 GMT -5
July 6, 07
I'm so frustrated. Did Luca forget he had a girlfriend? He's been with Tobias practically every night! And I don't have to watch Tobi anymore, because now Tobias brings him to Mrs. Rossi, but still. Our 8 month anniversary was on Monday, and where was Luca? Hell if I know! I'm tired of this! It's made me so stressed. I've tried to ask Tobias about it, but he's just so rude. I've never hated him so much. I thought he changed when his little son came into his life, but... I'm not so sure on some days. I feel like I'm dealing with the same Tobias I've always dealt with. And Luca just follows along like always because Tobias is his best friend and has been since they were still in the womb, so.. whatever. I don't want to make him choose between me and Tobias, but I don't think it's fair to just put me on the side whenever Tobias throws a tantrum. I talked to Mr. Conelli and he said he would talk to Luca about it. Honestly, though? I feel like I'm already through with it. When he does manage to call, I don't pick up, or I tell him I'm busy and have to call him back. I don't know what to do.. I love him so much, but he's made me so upset these past few weeks.. *sighs*
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Post by Dewey on Nov 2, 2008 14:59:29 GMT -5
July 7, 07
Luca and I finally got to talk last night. I was definitely giving him the cold shoulder the whole time. I even pulled away when he tried to kiss my cheek. I was just still so upset! I didn't even want to talk to him on the ride over to my apartment, so I just called Ava and chatted with her for a bit. Then, he parked in front of my place, and told me straight out what he'd been up to. He and Tobias had been arrested the night before for drug trafficking!!! Needless to say, I was shocked, and very very very pissed. For the past few weeks, he'd been lying to me about hanging out at places downtown with Tobias! Well, I guess not really.. except it was implied he was just hanging out having an innocent time at clubs or something. Not dealing drugs!! I couldn't believe it! My Luca Iaconelli! Turning into a Tobias Rossi!! I was so mad at him! I started yelling and he told me it was just a mistake, that it was stupid, and that he wasn't even going to hang out with Tobias anymore.
But.. for a few days I'd been thinking maybe we just need a break from each other, since it seemed like he was just pushing me away and didn't want a relationship anymore. So I started to tell him that, but he stopped me and said not to end this because he would make it up to me, and would never do those things again. And he told me to think of the good times. So I did. I thought about the time he got us a nice room at a bed and breakfast to make Christmas special, about the time he withdrew from Arcadia just to be with me in New York for a few weeks while my mom was undergoing chemo, about the time he said he'd support me when we had that pregnancy scare. And you know that? All those things pretty much outshine probably 50 mistakes. This was the first time Luca and I have had a major rift anyway... he's always been the perfect guy. Besides that, I love him a lot. I'm crazy about Luca; he's like my major weakness (of course I can't tell him that!) But, I didn't want to end it deep down inside, so we didn't. He stayed over last night (which was niice, as it always is) and things are getting back to normal for us fortunately.
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Post by Dewey on Nov 2, 2008 14:59:54 GMT -5
July 26, 07
So last night was one of many dates Luca's planning to make up things to me. It was.. nice. He was late picking me up, though. I thought he'd forgotten. But it was just a group project that ran late. We went to South of the Border (my pick) and just hung out. I don't know what's been wrong with me lately, though.. I do trust Luca, but all those things Tobias had said make me worried. I don't want him to find a relationship with someone else. I'm so dependent on him, it's sad. I know.. I'm a disgrace to feminism and women's independence and all that...but I can't help it. I'm so in love with him. He was with me every step of the way when Mami was hospitalized, and he gave up so much just to be with me. Who wouldn't love a guy like that?
I don't want to be the jealous kind of girlfriend, though. I don't want to interrogate him every time a girl calls or wants to hang out with him. Ava's right. I need to establish a life outside of Luca, and make sure my world doesn't revolve around him. I mean, he has his family and Arcadia and work... and I have those responsibilities, too... *sighs* And then when I mentioned marriage, he was just so freaked out by it, which made me think the worst Maybe I'm just overthinking things. As always.
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